


Wizarding World on Crack

by Av-ra Kedavra (AstoriaLovegood)



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Randomness, lots of one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23874292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstoriaLovegood/pseuds/Av-ra%20Kedavra
Summary: Every chapter is a different, random, totally not canon moment in time. Every single chapter is different, no continuity like at all. Pure crack.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Frozen Proposals

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring Frozen songs such as Let it Go and For the First Time in Forever.

Grindelwald was prancing about the ballroom when he spotted a dashing man in bright purple across the room. He just knew that he had to ask him to dance. He leaped across to him, and instantly recognised it has his one true love, that he thought he had let go of any chances with, Albus Dumbledore. He bowed slightly to Albus, who recognised him back and grabbed his arm, putting them in a dancing position. Gellerts favourite song - Let it Go - started playing, and they moved around the dance floor together. They soon forgot that they werent alone in the huge ballroom, as they wirled and twirled and danced to let it go, even though their movements didn't match the tone of the song. When the song ended, Gellert didnt let go of Albus, he continued dancing with him through the song change to For the First Time in Forever. Gellert dipped Albus into a kiss, and broke away, continuing their dance and lip-syncing to the song. When it neared the end, Gellert got down on one knee, pulling out a ring, still lip syncing. _Will you marry me?_ , Gellert lip synced. _Yes!_ Albus lip synced back.


	2. Queenie is a Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grindelwald is comforting an upset Queenie :(

Grindelwald was pacing around his castle in Nurmengard, when he heard a faint and muffled sound coming from a room to his left. He unlocked the door and walked into the room to find Queenie Goldstein sitting on her knees in front of her fireplace, sobbing into a baby pink scarf.

“Zarte Blume, ~~(this means delicate flower in the big German)~~ what is troubling you?”

“I just can’t do anything right anymore! Teenie always told me that my legillimens was a curse, and now you’re telling me it’s a gift, but I can’t seem to do it right, and all I want to do is help you like you’re helping me!” Gellert knelt down next to her and put a hand on her back and started rubbing circles.

“It’s okay Blume, you’re the key to our cause. Your gift is extraordinary, and so are you.” Gellert did always know how to say the right things, was always good with people, which isn’t to say he liked comforting people in this state. But Queenie helped him with his Albus freak out. He wasn’t lying when he said she wasn’t useless.

“This is really the first time I’ve felt a purpose in my life and I just don’t wanna screw it up for you.” She sniffled a little and Gellert pulled her up to her feet.

“I know you’re trying your best and that’s all I can ask for.” She have a cough-giggle and pulled him into a hug.

“This is your first hug after Albus.” She repeated his thought aloud, squeezing him tightly around the waist.

“You’re lucky you get that honour Zarte Blume.”

_(Feels. Also this is the most innocent hug in existence even imagine it as a fatherly hug yknow)_


	3. Lily Evans is Amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally Slughorn ranting about how amazing Lily is (he's not wrong, she is amazing)

Horace Slughorn was a ‘dashing young lad’ in his youth. Tall, shiny blond hair, flashy smile, name among the sacred 28. Everyone loved him. He took a few years to himself, started a successful apothecary and then joined the staff at Hogwarts. He always had a strong desire to help more people like him achieve success like him. The other teachers might toss their nose up at his ‘collecting’, but it really was for the best. There had been many students who he helped into greatness over the years. But none, he thought, quite as great as young Miss Lily Evans. She had such a high natural talent for potions, along with her friend Snape, but what set them apart truly was her sheer cheek. James Potter was credited as ‘prankster suprême’, but the true intelligence that Lily packed with her version of the pranks far outshone James’ natural talent with hexes and the like. Slughorn had been privvy to the inside details of one of her schemes, one which Sirius was unrightfully convicted for, but the mastermind was Lily. During her fifth year she managed to not only brew a completely undetectable potion for dying hair, but also unleash said potion onto McGonnagal, who’s animagus form shone a convincing metallic plum for the rest of the month. True talent in that Lily Evans despite her muggle born heritage, thought Horace Slughorn as he wrote her an invitation to his annual Christmas party. True talent.


	4. Gilderoy Lockhart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lockhart's perspective on what happens in the Chamber of Secrets was quite different to everyone else's.

Gilderoy Lockhart was an absolute genius. Not only was he probably the best looking man - no - _human_ alive (he had won Witch Weeklys best smile award several times), he was also brilliant at memory charms, and manipulating the mass public into believing he was a hero. These were all the reasons why he immediately started to run away when the other professors had sacrificed him to go into the chamber of secrets, the wizarding world just couldn't afford to lose him. Who else would inspire young witches and wizards with his tales of bravery and courage? Who else would look this good on a magazine cover? The answer was no one, and when Harry Potter and his band of hooligans knocked on his door and demanded he go with them to rescue the Weasly girl, his first instinct was to get out. After he was forcible covered in slime by being pushed down a slide and landing in dirt, he had had enough. His robes were simply too beautiful to sacrifice like this. He stole the redheads wand, ready for a memory charm, and was absolutely stunned when it backfired on him. And that, of course was his last coherent thought. 

  
Gilderoy - or was it something else - woke up in a white room, surrounded by nothing. 

"What do you remember, dear?" A lady with kind eyes in a uniform asked him. He thought about it. He knew that he was handsome and dashing and brave and inspirational and smart. But he didn't know why. He told the woman that much, and she laughed, patting his hand. "You won Witch Weekly's best smile award, you know."   
He beamed. That made sense. Morse sense than anything in his head or around him. He asked where he was.   
"You're in Saint Mungos. I'm afraid you were hit with a rather strong memory charm."  
Memory charms! He knew he was quite good at those. He told the woman all of this.   
"Yes, we know. It seems you used a broken wand to cast one, and it rebounded onto you. Quite good spellwork."  
Despite the horrific news, he beamed. He knew it was good spell work just like he knew that he was a genius. He also vaguely remembered something about being famous. He hoped he still knew how to sign autographs.


	5. Vinda Rosier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vinda Rosier reflects on Grindelwald.

Vinda Rosier was a dedicated acolyte to Grindelwald. She would follow him through hell and back for him and his cause. She supposed that she did follow him through fire to get to where they were standing today. Grindelwald was the greatest dark wizard of all time. But that title was not used in the prejudiced form of dark being evil, just other. As he had called the _non-magique's_ other, so was he. But where they were inferior, Vinda truly believed that Gellert Grindelwald was superior. 

The best thing about being an acolyte, apart from being his right hand woman, and privy to all the inner workings of the cause, was of course the wine. Gellert Grindelwald has the best wine. She liked a strong red, the whites reminded her of that Goldstein woman,   
light and bubbly. Not her thing. Her favourite was by far a fruity rosé. Nurmengard had a huge stock of wines. Her lord didn’t drink - he liked to keep a clear mind on the cause. But she was perfectly capable of drinking on her own.


	6. I'll see you soon, Albus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gellert is in Nuremgard, thinking about Albus.

Nurmengard Castle used to be his base, his fortress, even his home. But now Nurmengard Castle was Gellert’s prison. For 53 years he had been imprisoned somewhere he had previously found solace. The irony, he built the Castle to hold his enemies. But it ended up holding him. He hadn’t had any visitors either. Until the British Minister for Magic showed up at his doorstep (figuratively, because his single cell doesn’t have a doorstep). 

He got the daily prophet of course, and he had seen the horrendous news. “Albus Dumbledore DEAD atop the lightning struck tower”. Then the subsequent butchering of his name by that dastardly Rita Skeeter. He had asked for a copy of the _Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_ but apparently that was too much to ask his lazy-ass guard. 

He had assumed someone would want to check on him to make sure he hadn’t escaped following Albus’ death, but he was a very old, sickly man after living in a ten foot cube for half his life. (Although he was glad he still had a reputation). But who he got instead was Rufus Scrimengor, who had come to tell him what Albus had left him in his will. 

This news greatly surprised Gellert. 53 years, not one visit, but Gellert is in his will? Rufus pulled out a piece of paper, and read:

_To Gellert Grindelwald, I leave our blood pact, and do know I wore it always._

_I leave a box of Arnotts assorted biscuits, because I know that you won’t get enough of those in the prison I put you in (sorry)._

_And I leave my wand, because I think it liked you more than me during that summer._

“So, obviously you can’t have the wand-“ 

“Obviously”

“-because you’re in jail, but a box of cookies-“

“Biscuits”

“-and a necklace is reasonable.” The man said and Gellert chuckled. 

The man laid the things out and pushed them through the bars into the cell. 

“Thank you English man you are dismissed.” Gellert said as he clutched the blood pact. As he held the small item, a few years trailed down his cheeks. 

•••

When Voldemort came to his cell, he told him he did not fear death. Once upon a time he may have. But Albus was waiting for him on the other side, what could there be to fear? 

His last thought was “I’m sorry Albus, and I’ll see you soon”


	7. Just like Sixth Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry thinks Draco must be up to something - Ron is just sick of Harrys bullshit.

“Last year, the battle was harsh on all of us. I extend a thank you to everyone who stayed and helped rebuild Hogwarts, and welcome our eighth years back with open arms.”

Harry stopped paying attention to newly appointed Headmistress McGonagall’s speech, to stare off at the Slytherin table.

“Why is he back here? Do you think he’s up to something?” Harry asked Hermione, who looked at him incredulously. 

“Voldemort is _dead_ I can personally guarantee you Draco Malfoy isn’t up to anything but studying.” She rolled her eyes at him and turned her attention back to McGonagall.

“Mate, don’t make this like sixth year all over again. He might be a prick but he’s not up to anything.” Ron grabbed a chicken drumstick when McGonagall had sat down, and the feast had appeared.

“I was right in sixth year.” Harry grumbled to himself, finally tearing his eyes away from Draco and helping himself to food.

***

Harry turned to look at Draco in charms class, watching his every move carefully. 

“There’s just something about him - he’s got to be up to something.”

“Stop staring at him! He’s fine.” Ron exclaimed next to him.

“Since when do you stick up for him?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Since Voldemort died and all the death eaters went to Azkaban.”

Harry turned back to his charms textbook. “I suppose so. But I still don’t believe he’s not up to something.”

***

Harry stared at Draco from over the top of his cauldron.

“He’s doing _something_.”

“Harry! You’re obsessed.”

“Am not.” Harry blindly poured something in his cauldron, never moving his eyes away from Draco. When a loud boom came from it, he startled, mainly because Draco’s eyes met his. He finally looked away when Slughorn came over to see where Harry had messed up. 

***

Sitting at lunch, Harry was discussing Draco with Ron.

“I wasn’t wrong then, I’m not wrong now. He’s up to something I swear.”

“For fucks sake. I give up.”

“Fine. But I’m right.”

Harry looked around the table for some salt, finally spotting it just out of reach, on the other side of Ron.

“Pass the salt will you?”

Ron stood up from the table, and to Harrys horror, walked over to the other side of the hall, stopping in front of Draco at the Slytherin table.

“What are you doing! It was right next to you!” Harry called out desperately, watching in shock when Ron pulled Draco into a princess carry, and carried him back to the Gryffindor table, dumping him in Harrys lap, along with the salt.

“What the bloody hell Weasley!” Draco shouted.

Ron ignored him. “So like the great friend I am, I got you _two_ things you so desperately want. At the very least it might shut you up about him, it’s incredibly annoying listening to you talk nonstop about him.”

“Wha- I don’t want Malfoy!”

“Way to hurt my feelings, Potter.” Draco grumbled, still in Harrys lap.

“Kiss for fucks sake!” Ron demanded, stomping his foot like a pissed off toddler.

Harry looked down at Draco, who shrugged, blushing. “If you want.”

Harry leaned down and pressed a kiss on Dracos lips, his stomach filling with butterflies.

“About time.” Ron mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585106 - original posting


End file.
